“No I will not abandon you as orphans – I will come to you,” (John 14:18 NLT). Jesus said that. And I’ve needed to hear that over the course of my life. Especially to be reminded that I am not alone on Father’s Day.
I don’t usually have a problem writing, however this week it was really hard to just get down to task. Collecting my thoughts on the dad issue is never easy. Especially on Father’s Day. Just needed time to process [again] and breath. Maybe have some therapy. Seriously.
Although it may seem unrelated, I spent time planting a (very TINY) vegetable garden again this year. The day after Father’s Day. I needed to regroup my brain and spend time on my knees (sounds like praying, haha!) planting something that I can watch grow.
Not alone on Father’s Day …
Last year was the first year I planted. My vegetable garden became a sort of therapy for me. I needed to see that from good seeds comes a good harvest. I needed to grow myself healthy, while seeing that plans I make can take shape and reach their full potential. This was significant in my personal journey – moving through depression to the other side, where joy is a more regularly felt emotion.
Jesus used imagery of seeds and sowing, and harvests to show us what the kingdom of heaven is like (Matthew 13 has the stories). As I ponder this while gardening I remember again that he likes to speak to me through stuff that is around me …. And I start to get the feeling that I am not alone…. on so many levels …
So, the dog next door starts barking – yes, she has probably seen a squirrel. But then I look up, and right beside me on the fence is a medium sized raccoon.
It actually looks like a nice little raccoon … but there’s always that rabbies concern with a nocturnal animal being out in the brightness of day. Well, my curiousity won out – I stayed there and enjoyed the show!
Not alone on Father’s Day or any other day in my life.
The little guy looked a bit surprised and slightly offended to be barked at – he growled a little, and then ambled up the nearest tree. Like every good raccoon, it decided that was the place to sprawl like a sloth, preen its fur and then take a lazy nap.
I suddenly went from feeling sort of abandoned, to very much not alone. Entranced. Facinated by the urban wildlife that is constantly pushing the boundaries of my yard.
As it all unfolded I was dialoguing with Jesus about how fickle feelings are. I can go from alone on Father’s Day, to feeling surrounded by nature and all the relationships between animals and plants.
I will not leave you desolate: I come unto you. (John 14:18 ESV) I soak in the promise of Jesus on another level. He has promised to not abandon me, or leave me desolate. Even if other people do – He never does.
Father God is coming to me.
Again the Father speaks to my mind, and reminds me of how faithfully He has woven my life with His Presence – and when I am fully awake, eyes wide open to hear Him, I am reminded that He is coming to me.
Every moment of my life, He is crashing into the stillness and aloneness to remind me that He is with me, and He is for me.
The pain and trauma of abuse and then a father walking out of my life – that was never God’s plan. Being traumatized, abandoned and alone on Father’s Day was never God’s intention for us.
In fact we are told, In all their suffering [distress] He also suffered [was distressed], and He personally rescued them. In His love and mercy He redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. (Isaiah 63:9 NLT)
This Father Feels Deeply.
God’s empathic heart is full of emotion and feeling for us. But He doesn’t just sit back and go, “oh that’s too bad, sorry that you have to be human and suffer…” He joins in with us in all our moments, giving us strength to stand our ground and endure.
Giving us wisdom of how to get up and heal, and continue to move forward in life and be all that we were designed to be.
Again I look up at the sleeping raccoon, and ponder. This little guy was just chased and barked at (prolly his raccoon heart beating wildly … ‘am I going to make it?!’) … and then he finds a new place to be, settles down and does normal raccoon things. Preen. Sleep. Loll about lazily.
I ask God to speak to me. He’s got my full attention. Of course! A raccoon beached in my tree, and me, slightly unsure if I should turn my back on this (possibly) rabid cutie-pie. Perfect moment for God to speak. I want to hear His thoughts on whether or not I am really alone on Father’s Day.
Fatherless? You’re not alone on Father’s Day. And here’s your Hope.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing… (Psalm 68:5-6 NIV)
You have taken notice, for You always see one who inflicts pain and suffering. The unfortunate victim entrusts his cause to You; You deliver the fatherless. Lord, You have heard the request of the oppressed; You make them feel secure because You listen to their prayer. You defend the fatherless and oppressed, so that mere mortals may no longer terrorize them. (Psalm 10:14, 17-18 NET)
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry… the righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:15, 17-18 NIV)
Your sons will take the place of your fathers; you will make them princes throughout the land. (Psalm 45:16 NIV)
After a few moments of hearing these verses in my head, the thought strikes me I’m not alone on Father’s Day. I shift my gaze back up to the sleeping raccoon, freshly over his fright and flight and I turn and look at my seed packets, and freshly planted and mulched (tiny) garden.
Healing and Peace. Restoration.
I recognize that I have learned how to rest and receive God’s peace and healing, despite the past drama and lengthy father-absence. I can see that as God has offered me wisdom and truth, I’ve taken those seeds and planted them deep in my heart.
I’ve allowed him to water and shine on the garden patch of my heart. To cultivate new healthy paradigms of thought. I’m already seeing this harvest. And there’s more to come of course.
As a mom, I am so grateful that God even addresses that hope and healing can rise up through us; not only for our own personal benefit but to grow the next generation into resilient, loving, well-adjusted pillars (like Psalm 45:16) that maybe we wish a previous generation had been.
Sometimes I need to actually speak to my soul, and remind myself of what God my Father has said to me. That He loves me with an everlasting love. He will never leave me or forsake me – that I am not alone. That my sorrow and gloom, my pain and suffering has been purchased, carried, healed. (Isaiah 9:1, Isaiah 53:4-5)
Yes, it takes time to really understand and grasp onto this in daily life – as a lifestyle, rather than just something you know.
Take note in your life. God pulls us close at every juncture, difficulty, transition, and He shows and tells us Who He is and Who He wants to be for us in this one life we live. These very weak and low places actually become the place of deepest depth of love from the Father, as He journeys with us.
Whether it’s relationship or task related, the most exhilarating and capable grace is infused into us so that we can be healed, know who we are in Christ and in this world.
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:18 KJV)
Today I encourage you to reach out to God in any/every area where you would like clarity, healing, hope … Father God’s promise to you is ‘I will come to you.’ Pause for a few minutes and let Him come to your heart and speak to you! And I challenge you to plant what He says in your heart and mind.
Copyright (c) 2019 Jennifer Bryant-Choong. All Rights Reserved.
