Today is Good Friday – and yes it is a good day!
I’ve had some time to sit around and think about this season of Easter … and also this season of my life that I find myself in. It’s a season of removing clutter of heart and soul and mind.
This opportunity to reflect on redemption and how profound the season of Easter is. It puts our life and all its many complications into perspective – the cross offering forgiveness to our souls and healing for our heart and mind. Restoration and hope breaking through into every area of life!
[Insider’s scoop: one of the reasons I’ve had more time available to sit and ponder, I missed the bottom stair at the hotel we were staying at in Toronto on Thursday night … and I sprained my ankle (badly enough to think it broken and make the trip to the ER for X-rays!).
Recently I’ve become aware [again] that I hang on to far too many things. I realize that I have clutter in my house, and I don’t often purge household items or clothing that’s too small – and all this has had me thinking about why I hang onto stuff and how I define myself and my past … and how thirsty I am to hear from God on this …
All this reminds me of a breakthrough conversation that I had with God a few years back. Let me share.
I believe it was springtime several years ago that I wore the jacket to church. I hadn’t worn it in a while – likely it had been a couple of years before that.
It was really beautiful. It was a one of a kind thing – honestly, I never wore it without people commenting on it. I didn’t wear it for the comments, I just really enjoyed the artistic flair of the jacket. I had bought it after I had my first baby, when most of the things in my closet weren’t fitting. This jacket made me feel special and kinda hip again. It made me feel artistic and one of a kind.
Anyway, even though I didn’t wear this particular jacket much anymore, I still really loved it. The jacket seemed to mean something to me on some level that I didn’t understand. (Yes, I know that sounds a bit like: get therapy Jenn!!)
Yeah, so my friend who was sitting beside me said, “Wow, Jenn, do I ever love your jacket!” And without much thought I answered, “Would you like it? Why don’t you try it on and if it fits, you can keep it!”
Immediately I knew where this was going. I knew I would have to give it away. I am a woman of my word, and my friend, being a very generous giver and receiver would probably try it on, it would fit her better than it fit me, and she would get to keep it. Of course she would. Because I had honestly offered it to her.
During the whole church service I thought over the possibilities:
She might forget to try it on.
It might not fit.
She might not like it once she tried it on.
Maybe the colour wouldn’t look right on her, and she’d say, thanks, but no thanks.
I began to examine my motives:
How it could be so difficult for me to give away a jacket. I mean, why was I hanging on to stuff so tightly?
What’s going on Lord? How do you see it? What are You saying to me?
In that moment He began shifting how I see and define myself. He wanted to set me free from holding onto things in order to remind myself of who I am and what I’ve done. Battles won and hard times.
Nothing wrong with remembering where I’ve been, but when it’s keeping me looking backward and afraid of loss … I think God has a better way!
In His great love, He wanted to heal me from past wounds and scars, and feelings like I’d lost myself.
Somewhere in my teens I’d learn to subconsciously rely on things to fill the gap. With a family that fell apart in my mid-teens, there were still some wounds that needed healing.
Clearly I had issues with loss that needed some attention. Losing something (a dad who left our family in my teens … this jacket as a grown woman …) had triggered old wounds.
And my Good Father in heaven was opening my eyes and heart to see that He is my Provider, I don’t need to fear loss, and that my identity comes from who He says I am. I don’t need things to fill these gaps – He is all of that (and more!) to me.
So yes, back to the jacket. My friend tried it on after the service, and it wasn’t the right fit, so she said thanks, but no thanks. Phew. I sighed my relief. I smiled, shrugged and replied, “Oh, that’s too bad.”
I knew God was asking me to level with my friend and tell her about the struggle I’d had in my heart. So I did. When we are humble and confess our hearts, we give God the window He needs to pour His grace into us for growth, healing and strength. (James 4:6-7)
I knew that God wasn’t done with the jacket yet -which meant I wasn’t done with it either!
So skip ahead to June of that same year: the annual Women’s Conference at our church, Divine Women. The speaker challenged each of us to commit to going home and choosing something that we could be generous with, something significant that we had at home that we would give away the next day. Not junk that we didn’t want, but something sacrificial.
We were exploring the theme of Live Generously, and we were going to practice living generously, by giving away something that we really liked from our own personal possessions.
IMMEDIATELY I thought of this jacket, and I reasoned: Oh no Lord, I don’t think you’re really asking me to give this thing away, I think back in the spring it was just a test (right?), to see if I would be generous and give away something that was dear. I thought I had passed the test because I had been willing to give the jacket away.
The Lord reminded me of how much of a struggle it was to give it away, and that maybe there was still unfinished business. Right. He examines the motives of our hearts, and knows us better than we know ourselves.
And this space with Him, it’s safe. He knows the areas where we need healing and freedom. He wants us to experience His abundant life and freedom.
So I wrestled with it the next morning while I was getting ready for the day. I told my husband the whole deal. We talked about the jacket incident and my friend earlier that year. We talked about the give-away session that I was trying to figure out. He said, “If you think God is asking you to give it away then you should.” Pretty simple right? Guy advice all the way. Cut and dried.
So I asked the Lord, “I don’t really want to give it away. Why would you ask me to give something away that means so much to me.”
I totally felt this weighty pause in my conversation with God.
Then He said to me, “It’s like this: do you really think I wanted to give my Son away on the cross? I did it because I love you. It cost Me something to give Him up. It cost Me everything. And I was completely willing to do it.”
I felt the depth of His comment. How foolish of me to place so much value on a jacket.
If God was asking me to give something away that I liked, wasn’t it worth it, because He is trustworthy? Everything He asks me to do always works for my good and His glory.
But then then I asked Him sheepishly, “But Lord, if I give it to someone who goes to our church, I’ll have to see them wear this jacket that I gave up. It’ll remind me of what I gave up.”
I felt the same weighty pause, and He said to me, “What do you think I see when I look at you honey? I see you and it reminds me of My Son’s life. You are wearing My Son’s righteousness and healing that He paid for on the cross. It cost Me something. I had to turn My face away when He died, because it was so painful for me to give Him up.
Giving this jacket away is good for you. It will free you from your attachment to things and will open your heart to understand My heart for you. Abandon yourself to giving the way I give – and you will be free to give and receive generously in all ways.”
Well, I can tell you, I was undone. I bawled about how ridiculously self-centred I can be, and how deeply God loves me – in spite of myself. I saw beyond myself and my fear of loss, and into God’s heart. I felt Him birth His heart within me on a new level. Not much comparison really between giving away a jacket that you like, and offering up your Son as a Ransom for many.
I packaged the jacket up in a beautiful gift bag, and I couldn’t wait to give it away. It was a prophetic action that began the journey of letting go of things and going deeper into understanding and experiencing God’s heart.
God loves us sooo much. He is not satisfied to leave us comfortable but still wounded, avoiding pain and things that trigger us. Afraid of loss. Wounded. Alone.
He absolutely LOVES to redeem and restore our lives. He loves to piece together the broken parts. Set us free. He desires to lead us into healing and His perfect shalom [peace], where we are made complete and whole, and can live richly in His Presence.
Jesus paid this price. Good Friday reminds us to celebrate how Jesus’ death and resurrection brings wholeness and freedom into our everyday lives. The Father poured into Jesus all of His upset and wrath against everything that is wrong and unjust in the world. Jesus exchanged His own life for death, so that our broken lives could be saved and healed. So that by His resurrection we can live forever, raised with Him in His peace and enjoy His pure love and restoration for every loss and tragedy in our life.
My deepest heart cry is that Father would expose within me anything that hinders me from walking deeply in His presence, and receiving all the love and restoration that He wants to give me. If that means purging clutter of heart and soul and mind I’m in.
How about you?
May you have a blessed Easter season, reflecting on the magnificent exchange that Jesus paid for with His life – for you! Today is Good Friday, and yes, it is a very good day.
Here’s what Jesus came to do for you: Luke 4:14-2, Isaiah 61, Isaiah 53
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:28-32 NIV)
Copyright (c) 2019 Jennifer Bryant-Choong. All Rights Reserved.
